I am sitting on a chair made for a kindergarten bottom in the middle of a drafty elementary school hallway. My coat is wrapped around my freezing legs and my back is aching from folding myself into such a tiny seat. Yet, I am content.
Addie is dancing. Andy is home with Brenna. The janitor has Christmas music blaring over the PA system.
I have a few glorious moments to myself.
The last few days have been a bit rough. Three days (plus the weekend) off school - two due to snow, one to a teacher in service. By yesterday evening the house felt a bit cramped, loud, chaotic. Good intentions to bake cookies fell to the wayside as a two year old sobbed just because. Thoughts of homemade dinners were shelved, pizzas were ordered. By last night we were all bone tired, done with snow and fake cheer and all that glorious togetherness.
And yet, after the bus pulled away this morning, it seemed a bit too quiet in the house. No Addie. No Andy. Just me, B and Curious George. In those 30 minutes while a monkey got into mischief I thought about how lucky I am. How I rarely think to see the good moments and instead grip white knuckled on to all that is frustrating and hard.
While distracted by the minutiae of parenthood I miss so much of the daily miracle. So for just a moment I thought I'd focus on all the good stuff of today of instead of the crap of today.
* Morning kisses at the bus stop * Three quick hand squeezes as we walk through a parking lot * A tiny voice saying come mommy I play with you * Hearing them each thank you, with out being prompted to * Wrestling matches with Daddy narrated by their shrieking fits of laughter * Brenna trying to convince the cat to play by throwing at her * The weight of Brenna's head on my shoulder when she needed extra love * A book bag put where it belongs * A six year old who helped clear the dinner table and box up the leftovers * A private preview of tomorrow's Christmas Pagent * A 10 second conversation with a friend whose schedule never matches mine * Sweating on the elliptical & stretching in Pilates * Making gift bags for Addie's dance buddies * Hearing my name called from the crib & being greeted with giggles * Having great neighbors * Shopping g trips for nothing with my mom * Having two Grandmas who are almost always able to lend a hand right around the corner * A husband who talks over the big and the little things with me *
Whipped into all the good moments were raised voices, tears, and that everyday stuff, but for today I'll remember the squeezes, the kisses, the shrieks of laughter, the cuddles, the conversations and just really how good I have it - because even when it's hard, it's still still pretty damn good.