Dear Mr. Nap,
I know that you have a somewhat difficult job. Working seven days a week is exhausting and you have every right to take some personal time. When we first hired you I found your work ethic to be inspiring - you provided nap time to my little darling (and thus me) four plus times a day. You were consistent. You were reliable. You were a life saver.
Time passed and I realized that you were feeling overworked and under appreciated it. I could relate. No one was high fiving me for nursing or changing diapers or doing eight loads of spit filled laundry every two days. I was sad, but not surprised, when you announced that you were limiting your responsibilities to two naps a day. I would take what I could get. And I was still thankful that you were working with us.
Time marched on, and suddenly there we were in another meeting and you were demanding your work load be decreased by 50 percent. Fifty percent! I was annoyed and frustrated and worried, but I moved on. I got us involved in play dates and exercise classes and story time. I learned the necessity of Sesame Street and Disney Channel. We continued to work together, you and I, but I could feel our rapport sliding.
And now this. We haven't seen you in days. You're not answering any of our calls and you've given no notice. That is unacceptable. At this time our organization cannot afford to have all naps taken away. We have a two year old who is irrational and obnoxious when she doesn't receive your services. We have a mother who can't get housework or blogging or gift wrapping or thinking done when you don't show up to work. We have a father who, after a long day in the rat race, comes home to no dinner, a filthy house, piles of laundry and two exhausted, unreasonable ladies. This cannot go on.
I expect that we will see you promptly tomorrow at 1 p.m. Once you have performed you duties, we can sit down and discuss at length our expectations, as well as your compensation. You are an invaluable part of our team and we are dedicated making your relationship with us positive and long lasting.