Thursday, September 12, 2013


The thing is, the intention is always there.  I always intend to sit and write and reflect.  There are still funny, heartwarming, upsetting, ridiculous things happening daily around here. I live them and think about them and mean to write about them and then, BAM, life.  Somehow the daily business of life grabs hold of my ankle and pulls me down and my keyboard is left abandoned.
I remember when I started blogging there was a blog that I read and thoroughly enjoyed.  A witty, insightful glimpse at motherhood.  It made me laugh and brightened my day and then slowly it stopped being updated as often.  Once a week.  Once a month.  Once in a great while.  And then, pppppfffftttt, never again.  I didn't understand how it was possible to do something so faithfully and then let it go.   I think I am now beginning to see how that happens.  Once a week. Once a month.  Once in a great while and then....pppppfffffttttt.

Harrumph.  Daily life.  The dirty bathrooms, folding of onesies, checking of homework, cooking dinner, block time, soccer practice.  The sweeping of floors, errands, fingerprinted windows, wilting potted plants, these silly little things suck it all out of me.  Remember when I said I would work out five times a week?  Ha.  Remember when I said I would be part of Project Life and take a daily photo?  Ha.  Remember when I said I would participate in Just Write?  Yep, me too.  I remember it all.  All. Of. It.
Turns out I just set myself up for failure.

As I sit here, still unshowered at two o'clock I wonder where my day has gone, for heavens sake, the cat woke me up at 5:50 this morning.  Yet somehow it hasn't all been bonbons and massages: I have managed to do three loads of laundry, dishes, empty the dishwasher, feed two kids, usher one safely on the school bus and shower the other in a few minutes of cuddles. 
I have assembled a new lawn mower, mowed my mother's lawn and cleaned up the clippings. 
Driven across town, still unshowered, to pick out and worry about new plantings for the enormous landscaping project that officially begins tomorrow (but has already had hours of sweaty invested into it). 
Grabbed a quick lunch, wiped massive amounts of tomato soup off the toddler who insists on feeding herself, drove back home, read two nap times stories, switched over another load of laundry and then sat down for just a minute. 
And in that minute I started to feel a little guilty for not being here.   For not documenting the first day of school, or the lost teeth, or the  ridiculousness that is Brenna's singing and dancing. 
I have an emerging reader who is falling in love with words and a little one who thinks sharing is akin to being ripped from limb-to-limb. 

I have things to say and stories to share.  Now I just have to find the time to say them. 
And for you, Sue, and you, Barb, and whoever else still occasionally stops by just to see if I have any dang thing to say, I will start trying to do better. 

Just like I tell Addie - when we know better, we do better, and when we do better, we feel better.  Maybe it is time I start listening to myself. 



Aunt Janet said...

You're the best Jessica! I understand and will wait patiently, knowing you'll do some reflecting when you have the time

Sue said...

Aw, I've missed you! No beating yourself up: Sometimes good intentions are good enough. Your faithful will always be here!

Mich said...

ditto to what Sue said.
And I feel ya sister....I totally do.