Making an impression

If you want to impress your neighbors you should host the late night portion of the neighborhood party.

If you really want to impress your neighbors you should realize about an hour into hosting that you have had too much to drink - and then slink off for a power nap on the couch.

If you really, really want to impress your neighbors you should wake up out of that nap, pour yourself a drink and rejoin the party.

It's hard being me - and by hard I mean horrifyingly embarrassing.

Nonetheless, this Saturday was our neighborhood deck crawl/golf outing. The golf outing consisted of six couples golfing through the neighborhood yards, bolstered by jell-o shots at each hole and the deck crawl ended with many neighbors imbibing in our backyard.

It was a highly entertaining night, but resulted in two pretty darn useless parents on Sunday. Luckily for us Addie was beyond content cuddling and watching movies - she zonked out about 4:45 and woke back up this morning at 6:45.

Yes, you read that right, that sweet child slept for 14 hours.

She must've known exactly what mommy and daddy needed.

Shorts

One of the biggest struggles around these parts lately has been bed time - again.

Addie wants to be part of the party (the party usually consists of her Dad and I dozing off in front of the TV). She sneaks down and sits on the bottom step or silently plays in the dining room. Occasionally, the cat meows to tattle on her. More often than not we just sense her presence downstairs - that and she runs from her room down the hall like a herd of elephants.

After taking away toys and books and bedtime stories, we had to really get serious. Andy's genius idea? Take away her dresses. And her skirts. ALL of them. The result? Addie has to wear shorts (insert dreaded shriek here).

Shorts, according to my darling one, are the devil's creation. You can't twirl in shorts. You can't spin and be beautiful in shorts.



Shorts bite and are mean.



Inevitably the morning after the dresses are confiscated I deal with sobbing and crying and screaming and pleading. Puhleaaasssse, Mama. No shorts. I no like shorts. Mama a dress puhleaaasssse. I wanna twirl. Puhleaaasssse! Princesses don't wear shorts MAMA!





What she doesn't seem to get is that she can twirl in shorts. That she is a princess no matter what she wears.

And that, darn it, the kid looks cute in shorts.

Wedding Weekend

I am finally awake enough, and functioning enough, to review the grand wedding weekend. I've got some great pictures, but first, my comedy of errors is well worth sharing:


Friday started off lovely and ended lovely, but in between it was a bit rocky. Addie and I were heading to exercise, which we planned to duck out of early so that she could go to the neighbor's and I could go get my nails done with all the ladies.

• Comedic Error No. 1: On our way to exercise sweet child of mine hurled. Everywhere. All over herself. All over the car seat - chunks of putrid, curdled milk. I pulled over the the side of road, scooped out all she deposited, stripped her down and gave my poor sobbing child a wet nap bath. Once we got home she got a bath, the car seat got a hose down, I got a shower. The nails and neighbors were cancelled and we spent the day watching cartoons and cuddling.

The rehearsal went just fine. Everyone seemed relaxed. Addie was feeling good. Dinner was delish. Oh wait, did I mention that as Rick and Kim were pulling into the church parking lot Rylan also hurled, filling up his car seat. Yep.

• Comedic Error No. 2: After ushering the gentlemen out of the house to go golfing Saturday morning I quickly tidied the house and set out the food for the lunches. I threw Addie in the shower with me, packed our over night bag and ironed our clothes for the wedding. My beautiful, borrowed green dress - wrinkle free. My royal purple wrap - wrinkle free. Addie's dress - wrinkle free. Oooops - I noticed her sash needed pressing, so I did. And when I say I did, what I mean is I put the iron on the ever delicate fabric and burnt holes right through it. After a few moments of panic I simply cut the sash off. Of course as soon as I did that my darling daughter looked at me and said "Mama, you hurt my pretty dress". Yep.

Addie and I got to Brian and Kelly's house without a problem. We received the flowers, went over the inventory and made sure we had everything we needed. We stayed a few minutes longer to see the bridal party and then we took off - both to give them space and to get Addie napped.
Kiddo fell asleep on the way to the hotel and slept for almost two hours. When she woke up I put on my make up, fluffed her curls and grabbed our shoes to go get changed at Kelly's and grab the flowers for the church.

• Comedic Error No. 3: When I went to grab our shoes I discovered that I had packed one strappy high heeled sling back and one high heeled sandal. F*ck. Yes, I am pretty sure that was the word I uttered. I quickly called the husband to see if he could bring me a shoe to the church, he didn't answer, thankfully, as I probably would have ended up with three different shoes. Addie and I sped off to Target where I bought the first pair of black nice looking shoes I could find. They're fine. They scream I am a MOM and they cost me over $30. Ridiculous? Yep.

Addie and I made it to Kelly's house with time to spare. I got dressed. I got her in her tights and shoes (dress to go on in church parking lot). The bride looked stunning. The bridesmaids were beautiful. The mother of the bride was glowing.

• Not-s0-comedic Error No. 4: I get the flowers loaded into the car. I got Addie loaded into the car. I grab the programs from downstairs and I am good to go. But not so much. Somewhere in they last minutes I put the programs down, the programs that a bridesmaid designed, and I leave. We got to the church - flowers got handed out and pinned on. Flower girl and ring bearers looked adorable and were poised to go. I took a breath - and then someone asked: Jessica, where are the programs?. I can almost guarantee you that the word I uttered was the same one I said at the hotel. Panic set in? Yep.

One of the wonderful ushers grabbed directions and the garage door opener and raced off to the get the programs. He probably missed a fair chunk of the ceremony, but guests walked out of the ceremony with the programs in hand.

I think that is when I exhaled.

All the other stuff?

The bride? Gorgeous.

The groom? Beaming.

The ceremony? Tasteful and lovely.

The reception? Open bar, cake, chocolate fountain and dancing.

All that stuff, the truly important stuff, was absolutely perfect.

Now on to the pictures...