Not in my nature

The post below was written last March.

I have no idea why I never published it, but I had to laugh aloud when I stumbled across this evening.

Last March sounds like this March - travel and hecticness and chaos.

I've been in the car, travelling, for what feels like a month. In reality, I was just here and there for eight days.

And today, we spent the day outside sliding, swinging, sandboxing and getting sunburnt. And her hair? That old fuzz? It was was in pigtails.

My kitchen needs a scrubbing. My bathrooms need disinfecting. My gardens need weeding and my laundry needs to get done.

Addie is transitioning to undies at bedtime. We are transitioning to warm weather and later nights. There is a list in my brain that just keeps growing.

But instead of scrubbing, disinfecting, weeding, fretting and doing laundry tonight - I poured a hefty glass of wine. I drew a hot bubble bath and I got lost in my book.

And tonight, just as sometime last March, I took time to breathe.

It's as though time has stood still.

And I kind of like that.

**********************************************************************************************************************

Sometimes I have to force myself to sit down and take a breath and be.

Usually I find myself doing this after a long talk with an old friend; after a hectic and head-achy day running after a certain kiddo; after seeing someone else's heartache. On occasion I do it when the house is clean, the candles are flickering, the air is silent.

But for no good reason I felt this way last night. Andy was at the XU game. Addison was snuggled up, sleeping soundly with giraffe. Michelob was asleep under the windows and I could hear the sound of the clothes dryer hard at work.

Maybe it was because I have not been home for three straight weekends. Maybe it was because yesterday Andy told me that Addison was no longer sporting baby fuzz, but actual big girl hair. Maybe it was because I saw my Dad, and know that he is hanging in there. Maybe it was because it felt like spring and my daughter played outside until her shoes were full of dirt and her bottom was muddy.

So instead of flitting around the house picking up the toys, putting away the laundry, swivel sweeping the floor, and generally straightening out our life, I chose to pour a glass of wine. I poured my glass of wine, checked on my kiddo and treated myself to a book.

I just decided to enjoy being home. I embraced the disorder...and I read that book.

I left the chaos and filth for today...and now I am wishing I hadn't. Bad idea to go against my nature.

Cuteness Crocheted

I posted this picture on my Facebook page and got quite the response.

Jesus, can I DOUBLE like this photo?

Super Cute!

LOVE IT!

SOOOOO cute!

Freakin' adorable.

Quite the stylista on your hands.

Orange IS the color.

I can't even argue. The girl has a sense of style. Today she had to play outside in her bright red shoes and tulle and velor dress. On Friday she wore a tutu over her flowered pants for the entire ride to Chicago.

But the style above isn't all just her - it's quite a bit of cousin Jill. Or as Addie would say - My Jilly. Jill made her that orange rockin' hat. And this one.

And this blanket.

And this scarf and hat.

Yes, she's THAT Jill - the one who wears tutus and who taught Addie how to cheers.

As we all know, Jill is sassy. She's got style and spunk and now...she's sharing it, and not just with Addie!

Check out the latest creations - perhaps there is a Leprechaun hat just calling your name....

I know, I know...enough about cousin Jill. To be clear I have other cousins that I adore.
There's Jill's sister Amanda who dotes on Addie. She always has the perfect gift and a big hug. We called her "The Tape Recorder" when she was little - and now that's what I call Addie.
There's Jay. He's charming, and silly, and is willing to sing any song requested by my little songbird.
There's Colin. Colin has perpetually been my favorite cousin to torture - but only because I adore him. He also provided Addie with a playmate in the extended family, the adorable Jackson.

And then there's Ian. But I have nothing to say about that ass.

Because at Grandma and Papa's house, it's okay to have strawberry marscapone filled cupcakes before dinner.

And Hershey Kisses with breakfast.

And orange soda.

And a perpetual sugar high....

Are you joking me Mother Nature?

Excuses excuses

I have been spending some quality time in my car - and am about to log several more hours of car togetherness. I can barely think in full sentences, let alone type coherent paragraphs.

**Addie was diagnosed with a double ear infection last week.

**Saturday night we attended a family wedding where Addie and Rylan tore up the dance floor. They were a tornado of spinning and running and general boogey-ing.

**She and I hit the road for the Mountain State Sunday morning. We visited with my aunts and uncles, with my wonderful cousins and with Gramma Kathy. Addie played and played and harassed the cat. She took a walk with Uncle Glenn to pet a baby deer. She giggled and twirled and basically entertained the crowd.

**I am exhausted. I have 90 pounds of laundry to do. I have to pack and get ready to hit the road again tomorrow. From the quietness of West Virginia to the bustle of Chicago all in a few days.

**Addie has been accident free for longer than I know - she did excellent in the car and experienced her first roadside rest area (um, ICK).

I am being called back reality - the dryer just buzzed.

March Madness?

Today was one of those amazing 'Spring' days that show up and give you a bit of hope and help you breath a little deeper.

The skies were brilliantly blue and cloudless. The wind was gentle and sun was shinging bright. It made me want to drink beer, eat burgers and lounge on the patio. I didn't even mind blowing a million bubbles.

We spent the afternoon in the yard blowing bubbles, scribbling with chalk, swinging and sliding and kicking balls. The neighbor boys, her 'buddies', came over to frolic. Rylan stopped by to play for a few hours.

The cousins breached the sandbox. The sandbox that has 250 pounds of sand in it. And old faded toys. And bugs.

The sandbox that doesn't have a cover and was full of snow only a month ago. The icky, slushy sandbox.

There was sand in their hair. There was sand between her toes (maybe because she stripped off her socks and shoes?) and in his pockets. The giggled and cackled and got, well, dirty.

My solution? The dreaded cousin bath - with photos - because at 15 it will be fun to mortify them.

My Lucky Charm

Per your request

I should have known that not posting pictures would incur the wrath of you, my friends. So as requested, er demanded, here are some pictures of our "new" bathroom and "new" kitchen.

My mom reminded me to take before pictures - which I promptly forgot to do. Just one more instance of me not listening to my mom, let's not even get started on how long she's been telling me to floss every day.

The bathroom was a horrid eggplant, with a cheesy wallpaper border, brown towels and a beige shower curtain.

It is now tide pool blue, with a burst of butterflies. The flower rugs are from the Dollar Spot at Target (the best aisle ever invented, if you ask me) and everything butterfly was picked out by Addie while at Meijer, right before she peed her pants.

I plan, at some point, to spray paint the fixtures chrome (although I have no idea how to tackle the not pictured Hollywood light fixture) as well as paint the trim and vanity a glossy, crisp white. But for now this improvement is enough.

I did remember, half way through attacking the kitchen cabinets, to take a before picture. You can at least get an idea of what our kitchen looked like - yes, blah is a perfect word to describe it. So is ugly.

Okay, okay, messy might be an appropriate word too. Or filthy, which ever jives with you best. To be honest, I don't normally have a folding chair laying the middle of the floor, nor do we usually keep tiny shoes on the table. The balloon is from Ry's birthday and is still floating attached to Addie's art wall.

Full disclosure - at some point in everyday my counters are that junky, but it was not my idea to store all of our remote control toys on the top of the cabinets.

You'll notice that the top cabinet doors are already off - they were in the garage being scrubbed and sanded. I say scrubbed, because apparently we are disgusting humans, and I was shocked by the grease and filth build up that I discovered*. After a many hours over several days THAT turned into THIS:

Notice the lack of a folding chair, Tupperware bin, paint tray on the floor. Also note that the darn balloon is still attached to our art wall.

That is also what the top of my table actually looks like and the counters do actually have tons of space and don't just hold my junk.

Yes, the remote control toys are still there, but I have no control over that husband of mine and his idea of "putting something away".

There is a streak of multiple yellows by the sink window - we've finally chosen one after many fails. The bottom color (if you can see it) is Bees Wax, and the perfect, buttery, welcoming yellow**. When will we get that smeared on the walls? Eventually.

For now, I am pretty dang happy with the initial results...what's next on our DIY projects - that is still to be determined, however, I have already spotted a TON of weeds popping up in my gardens.

***************************************************************************************************************

*I have discovered that once you discover how filthy you are in one area, you see how filthy you are in other areas. After scrubbing the cabinets and making them look so good I started to see our other dirt. Therefore, yesterday was spent cleaning the oven and scrubbing the inside of our fridge. I swear, my mom taught be better. I would have NOT passed her white glove test.

**That lovely color of yellow? It's the same yellow that my fabulous mother in law has painted in her living room. Even more fabulous? She had an unused gallon of paint that she gave us. Woot woot.

Lesson Learned:

When your toddler picks up your perfume to "pretend" to spray it, make sure she isn't strong enough to actually spray it.



While I was chatting on the phone with Gramma Kathy today Addie E. sprayed a squirt of Amazing Grace directly in her eyes. I have flushed her eyes, and tossed her in the shower for good measure, but nonetheless her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks red. She fell asleep wrapped in her towel, on my lap, snuggled under my favorite leopard print blanket, which she told me was soft just like a kitty. And then she started snoring...



So I've Googled perfume in the eyes and been assured, via the Internet and a brief conversation with my mommy, that Addie will be fine. That she's not scarred for life and that I am in the running, once again, for Mom of the Year award.

HGTV

All of a sudden around here it is as though Design to Sell has invaded our home. Only instead of Design to Sell, it is actually Design to Live without Spending a Fortune. And unlike Design to Sell, there are no carpenters, painters, or designers. There is just me, Andy and the helpful toddler.

Two weeks ago, while Andy was in Columbus, I decided to tackle our second bathroom. It was the loveliest shade of eggplant with a totally 1989 wallpaper border. I peeled and scraped and cussed at the border. I patched the nicks I put in the wall, I taped, I prepped. In under two days the bathroom went from putrid to girly fabulous. The walls are now a lovely Tide Pool blue. The shower curtain - as picked out by a two year old - is a burst of butterflies. The towels - as picked out by a two year old - are colorful and, of course, adorned with butterflies. According to Addie it's her bwuterfy bafroom.
And, I'm not going to lie, I kind of love her bathroom. It's bright and cheery and sweet. Of course now that the walls are looking so much better I have already found more projects - painting the trim, the vanity and the towel bar. But I'm too busy right now....

I'm busy now, because for the last week I have been elbow deep in my kitchen. We are lucky to have a rather big kitchen with lots of natural light. We are unlucky to have old Formica counter tops, a horrendously dingy linoleum floor and outdated icky countrified oak cabinets.
After almost two years of complaining about the kitchen we decided to do something. In no way do we have the budget to do the renovations that I dream of.

In my dream we have gleaming hard wood floors. There's a perfectly sized kitchen island with a bowl of colorful fresh fruit. A fancy stainless steel gas range and double oven. Of course a huge refrigerator with all the right compartments. Spotless counters and an oversize wine fridge. Our cabinets are deep and sleek and solid.
Oh, during the dream renovation we're on an all inclusive beach vacation and everything is paid for with smiles and Monopoly money.

So to tide me over, we attacked our outdated icky countrified oak cabinets. They were taken down, washed, and sanded. We spent all week painting, painting, painting those old oak cabinets Stealth Jet - deep, fabulous black. The cabinet doors are back up, the hardware reattached and the shelves and drawers are clean and organized (who knew I had three nut crackers and two lobster crackers?).

The floor is still dingy, the counters are still blah, but the cabinets are fantastic. And the three different streaks of yellow on the wall? Those will only be there for a bit longer before we paint the walls a warm, wonderful yellow...A new kitchen without spending thousands of dollars....ahhhh.

And that is my excuse for not being a good blogger and I'm sticking to it.

Now I am off to fondle my new cabinets and smile.

What is that?

It started on Sunday.

I woke up without a headache - even with a fair amount of Jim Beam consumed the night before.

Andy made a delicious breakfast.

I was showered before 9:30.

The outdoor Christmas lights came down.

The porch was swept and the door wreathes swapped.

My trash can, er car, was cleaned out.

We were at Home Depot browsing for new kitchen colors before one p.m.

There were no accidents.

Mimosas were served at a wedding shower and dinner was burgers off the Weber.

It continued today.

There was minimal negotiation.

There was laughter and running.

We had lunch in public, without any drama.

We played at the park for over an hour.

No naps were taken.

My hand was held and I got tons of hugs.

The windshields to the car were washed off, the windows rolled down.

There were no accidents.

Dinner was served and eaten and enjoyed - bedtime was a breeze.

What is it that is happening in our house, you ask...

It, my friends, is called the presence of sunshine.

Of blue skies.

The promise of spring...it truly is making all the difference in our days.

Backslide

She peed her pants Monday, in the bathroom, right after getting her big reward for being accident free.

She peed her pants Tuesday, standing in the living room, watching her reward for being accident free. She informed me by saying "Mama, I peepeed my undies. My pants. My socks. Your carpet."

Yesterday she sat on the potty at Kohl's and didn't pee. Ten minutes later, at Meijer, she peed her pants and puddled the paint aisle. She had to ride home with wet jeans and fell asleep while softly telling me "Mommy, I peepee in Miiiiyer. I peepee in Miiiiyer Mommy."

Last night she got up five times to peepee and poo between 8:00 and 10:30. And she did each time.

This morning she told me she peepeed her bed while playing before school...and she had.

What, universe, are you trying to do to me??

Just a few bullet points

• Addison went nine days accident free. Count 'em folks - N.I.N.E days. I had promised her a movie if she made it the week. She decisively told me she wanted Aworwa, aka Sleeping Beauty. I knew this would be a snap, as I had just seen it on Target's shelf.

• I was completely wrong about Sleeping Beauty being a snap. We got to Target yesterday and it was nowhere to be found. Turns out it's back in the vault and now I have bid my way to her happiness on Ebay. No worries, I got her to settle for Snow White even though she told me it was too scary Mama.

• When we got home from that reward shopping trip (NINE DAYS ACCIDENT FREE people!) she peed her pants and left a puddle on the bathroom floor.

• In the past three days she has tried to feed the cat bacon, sausage and a mushroom - all of which were thrown at the cat from the kitchen table.

• Now when I ask her to do something she answers with an emphatic OKAAAAAAAAAY. Or a STOOOOOOP.

• I find myself clenching my jaw a lot.

• Whenever we enter Meijer she insists that she has to go potty. The Meijer restroom she likes best? The unisex one that smells like fart and is covered in urine. Today I told her to practice holding it - I just couldn't stomach it. And she successfully held it. Woo Hoo.

• While checking out at Borders today she started playing with a chocolate bunny display. I steered her away from it and then turned around to pay. When I turned back around a chocolate bunny was being unwrapped. Did I mention that it's a Lindt Chocolate Bunny? Did I mention that it cost me five-freaking-dollars? Can you guess how happy I was?

• I have recommitted to my diet - two weeks of 20 carbs or less. No alcohol on week days. Not even a drop of wine.

• Handsome husband is working from Columbus until Friday.

• I picked the wrong week to recommit to the dang diet.

Every day there is something new - that is beauty, and perhaps the frustration, of childhood and of parenthood.

Around our house our newest things are Why; Mommy, watch me; and Hold me.
Those three statements are part of just about my every day.

Why.
Is the sky blue? Are we going to Nicholas' birthday? Does kitty meow? Are we driving this way? Can't I see baby Liam? Is Daddy at work? Can't I call Gramma? Do I have to pick up my toys? Brush my teeth, eat my breakfast, comb my hair, take a bath, wash my hands? Why?

Mommy watch me.
Watch me somersault. Watch me spin. Watch me color, paint, cut and glue. Wear my dresses and slippers. Watch me run. Skip, jump, dance. Watch me throw, kick, read. Stomp my feet, pout, cry. Watch me share, take turns, pretend, grow. Mommy watch me.

Hold me.
Me scared. Hold me, I sick. Hold me, mama, hug. Hold me, no doggie. No Izzy, No Heidi, NO DOG. Hold me, I tired, I grumpy, I cuddle you, Mommy. Hold me, Me sorry. Nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle, hug me. Love me. Protect me. Shelter me. Reassure me. Hold me.

And at times those three statements [questions??] drive me right up the wall. I get so tired of responding and filling what could have been the silence of my day. Why? Mommy watch me! HOLD ME!

And then I think back. And I remember. And I know that this phase is so important. And that it will repeat itself over and over for the rest of our lives

Because I can remember:

Why?
Why do I have to empty the dishwasher? Walk the dog? Empty the kitty litter? Wipe up the lemonade with a wet cloth? Why does he wear those tubes in his nose? Do we have to do a 'once over'? Why can't she get out of her chair? Do his hands shake? Why can't I have those boots, these jeans, an ESPRIT bag? Why?

Mommy watch me.
Flip on the uneven bars. Careen down the mountain. Kick the soccer ball, swing the bat, do a back handspring. Watch me run the race, limp to the finish line. Watch me leave. Watch me bloom and grow and put down roots. Watch me walk down the aisle, become a mother, become frustrated, smile, laugh, cry. Mommy watch me.

Hold me.
I am exhausted. Hold me, my heart is broken. My friend died. I am worried and stressed and in pain. My knee hurts. Hold me, I'm overjoyed, excited, overwhelmed. Hold me, he loves me, we're getting married, it's a girl. It's hard. I'm grouchy. I'm sleepy. Hold me.

So my hopeful silence is filled with her questions and antics and my answers and actions. Just as my Mom's rare silence was, and is, filled with me.

Because even now, I ask Why.
I earnestly say Mommy watch me.
I occasionally whisper Hold me.

And she answers.
And she does.
And she does.

And so will I. Over and over again.