C.R.A.Z.Y.

Crazy.

That is what I may be on the verge of going. Cincinnati is "closed" for yet another day, and I don't think I can handle being in my house too much longer. I assumed when the snow stopped yesterday by NOON that the land of the Nati would reopen today...but it hasn't. These past few days have confirmed that when I come out of retirement I am definitely heading back to the realm of education. In Cincinnati snow days are a reality, in Chicago they were an urban myth.

Today I am completely out of creative entertainment ideas for stinkerpotomus. Yesterday we played in the snow and baked cookies. Tuesday we played in the snow and finger painted. Today I have zero desire to play in the snow.

Wait, you are thinking to yourself, did she just say that she let Addison finger paint? Has she totally lost it?

The answers to those questions would be "yep" and "yeppers".

Tuesday, in between snow play, I set Addie up in the basement to do some finger painting. I taped a trash bag to the floor and a piece of cloth to that. I set out four paper plates with squirts of red, yellow, green and blue. I dressed my kiddo in non-nice clothes, and then, I let her loose. At first she wasn't so sure about this messy painting thing. She would dip her pointer finger in paint, scrutinize it, and then daintily dab it on the cloth. It was though she was afraid of getting dirty...which is a little bit amusing, since later that night when we had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner she was covered head to toe in marinara sauce and cheese and didn't seem to mind at all, but I digress.

After a few dainty touches of the paint she got a little more interested. Next thing I know she has her whole hand in the paints and is smearing a masterpiece across the cloth. She then decides to smear paint on her shirt. Then she decides she needs to get a better angle so she walks across the freshly painted cloth, making her socks awfully pretty. Suddenly she decides that she needs a better vantage point - you know she needs to understand where more color is needed or if she needs to add more depth to the overall visual effect - so she sat in the middle of the freshly painted cloth...hello, colorful baby behind.

By the time her first art project was done there was paint everywhere, thankfully Crayola means it when they say their finger paints are washable...otherwise I'd have a tie-dyed daughter. Her finished product is still sitting on the floor of the basement, and each time we've gone down there she has stopped to oooh and aaah over her work.

Eventually we will frame it and hang it in the house, probably under archival glass with gallery lighting, sectioned off with a velvet rope. Until then, it will keep the floor of the laundry room looking quite nice.

**After Addie's nap I finally did escape the house. Addie and I went out to lunch and Target with Grandma and Aunt Nikki. Even better, Aunt Nikki came over and played in the snow with Addison while Grandma and I watched warmly from the inside.

Let it Snow!

So, it turns out that snow can fall in Cincinnati. Yesterday morning I woke up and mocked the city for closing schools, as there was only about an inch of snow on the ground. However, throughout the day the snow continued to fall and the ice arrived late afternoon. By nine last night most schools were also cancelled for today.

Our neighborhood has been a flurry of shoveling, snow blowing and sledding. Addison now thinks that sleds are the coolest things (next to Mommy) and seems to love playing in the snow...although she was 100 percent not amused by making snow angels and looked at Grandma, Aunt Nikki and I like we were crazy when we laid her down in the snow. Didn't we know that stuff is COLD? Here are some pictures of our first (real) snow in Ohio and Addie's first time playing in it.

Yesterday's FUN:

Playing in the snow for the first time. She was practically a popsicle once we got her inside.

Sledding down our front yard. It's barely a hill, but it thrilled Addison!

Today's FUN:

This is looking out our kitchen window at the backyard. Those are the same berries the birds were feasting on last earlier in the week...now they're a frozen dessert, perhaps?

Andy says this is the most attractive picture of me ever taken. He'll say anything to get me to do the manual labor.

Flaherty Fun

On Friday night my Aunt Carol and Uncle Denny came in town from Charleston to visit and, maybe, spoil Stinks with a ton of gifts. We played and giggled and eventually put Addie to bed, and then sat, like grown ups, and enjoyed an actual home cooked meal with a wee bit of wine.


To give you some background, Uncle Denny is my mother's older brother. He is all sorts of smart and all sorts of silly. When Jeafen and I were little we never knew when to believe him, because he told so many stories. My Aunt Carol is about the only person who can put him in his place, I think that maybe because she was a Catholic school principal. Nobody messes with Catholic school principals.

Anyway, he used to swear to us that when my mom and her siblings were growing up they were so poor that:

1. My grandparents could only afford two pairs of roller skates for Christmas, therefore each child only got one skate and had to skate in circles. (FALSE)
2. The neighborhood my mom grew up in was so tough that during one block party a custom made car was auctioned off...with the police still in it. (FALSE)
3. My grandmother used to throw one pork chop in the middle of the table for dinner and every one just had to lunge and hope for a bite. (FALSE)

And then there were other outlandish stories:

1. When my mom was little she was bitten by a spider, had to be rushed to the hospital and almost died. (TRUE)
2. When the Ohio River flooded Wheeling Island he and my Uncle Tom canoed through my grandparents' living room. (TRUE)
3. He won a horse out of Cracker Jack Box and named it Waldo. Waldo lived in Wisconsin and belonged to me and my brother. (FALSE)*

She's too young to understand his stories, but she understands his silly...

and knows that it's Aunt Carol who is telling the truth.

*Waldo did exist. When we were little my mom drove us to Wisconsin to visit my aunt and uncle and, holy crap, there was Waldo. We got to go visit him and pet him and totally believed Uncle Denny. Truth was, Waldo belonged to one of the teachers that Aunt Carol worked with who was willing to play along...but when when we were little, hot damn did we believe our Uncle Denny was amazing!**

**Okay, we still believe he's pretty amazing.

We have had a bizarre amount of birds descend on our back yard since the beginning of the year. On New Year's day I began to worry that maybe we were in the middle of a Hitchcock movie. I was waiting for one of those winged rodents to break through our window and peck out my eyeballs (but that may have been the mimosas clouding my thought process). Addison was mesmerized, so was Michelob. For that matter so were we.

Anyway, a fraction of the birds returned today. They ate the berries on our trees, pooped them back out on our patio, and again mesmerized the cat and kiddo.

Both Addie and Michelob stood at the kitchen window for a solid ten minutes today watching the birds. Mich made her weird cat chirping noise at them while twitching her tail and Addison repeatedly pointed at them and tried to tweet. She definitely doesn't have the tweet down yet. A skill we must focus on mastering over the next week.

Once the birds left, Addison decided that she and Michelob were one in solidarity. With their new found camaraderie, Addie decided she could share her cookies. Michelob wasn't so much interested, but Addie was feeling charitable, so she offered her treats up to the birds...They weren't really interested either.

I say we had solid day of progress in the sharing department....Cookies for the kitty and the birds, well done.

Of course, when I tried to have one of her goldfish crackers at snack time you would have thought that I had asked her for all her food for the rest of her life.

The Warbler

I really have far too much to be doing right now to be online again, but I also know that this will make many people happy, and who am I to deprive you of your happiness?

My elusive nightengale has been captured on video:

It's fun to share

Andy and I have, for many months now, been focused on helping Addison understand the importance of sharing. Over all she does a pretty good job. She had no problem with Elise and Ian playing with her baskets of toys last week, and at StrollerFit she gladly shares her goldfishies, books or whatever we may have stashed in the stroller.

She rarely minds when the cat lays on her lion throw, although there have been incidents where Addie very forcefully pulls the lion out from underneath a sound asleep kitty.

Addie shares when Rylan comes over, although sharing with him is a bit more of a challenge. If Addison doesn't want Rylan to play with a particular toy she snatches it away from him and hands him something much less interesting. For example, if Rylan is playing with her Music Cube, and she doesn't approve, she'll grab it from him and hand him a stuffed animal or block. She thinks it's a total fair trade...Rylan doesn't always agree, but he rarely complains.

The other day Addison and I were playing puzzles on the floor and I rested my head on her rocking chair.

Colossal mistake!

She started whining and then screeching and then crying, all while pointing at my head and shaking hers. She grabbed at my hair and sat down and pounded her fists until I took my head off her rocking chair.

Just another example of Addison turning into a toddler. I don't mind her asserting her independence and I want her to makes sense of her world...but occasionally I really do need to rest my head.

Addison reluctantly sharing Lion with Michelob (yes that's a plastic hot dog by her ear. Hot dogs are awesome. She definately will NOT share her hot dog with ANYONE.)

You know you have

You know when you are out shopping and you can hear that kid screaming and crying and being totally ridiculous and you glare at the parent and think to yourself:

"I wish that freaking kid would SHUT UP. Why won't that STUPID parent leave so I can do my shopping in peace?"

Yeah, well I was that parent today. And I have this to say to you:

"I can only get out with this little person in tow. She usually is an angel but right now she's pissed off because I forgot her snack of grapes and took away the
chapstick when she started to eat it. Sorry that your shopping trip is ruined, but truly I DO NOT CARE. I am here for a specific reason and I'm not leaving until I've found what I need. Wanna trade dirty looks? I'm the mother of a toddler, I SWEAR I'll win."

Is it too early for wine?

Worth a Thousand Words

ABC

I have been a week long quest to find Addison ABC magnets. I have all sorts of suggestions to get fancy LeapFrog ones, but I finally found the good old traditional ones today and decided they were the perfect start.

After her nap today Addie and I played for a good while with her new magnets. We can't use them on the fridge - stainless steel is not very kid friendly. Instead, we use the door from the mudroom to the garage. Addison had all sorts of fun with her new letters, she found it particularly funny to take them off the door and put them down the front of her overalls.

I know, she's an oddball.

A few weeks ago I talked about Addison's love of phones. I finally caught her in action today...But she still doesn't get why the kitty won't accept phone calls!

Julliard? Not so much

After Addison's tantrums last week I felt a little hopeless and lost. My friends Sharon and Genna assured me that my darling daughter is not gone forever, she's just entering the wonderful world of toddlerhood. They also assured me that while there are some real rough times in the land of toddlerhood, there are also some amazing ones.
I have to agree. There are moments when I am so in awe of all that Addison is learning to do and able to do.
I can ask her to get specific things and she'll get them. If I say to her "Please go get your blue monkey", she'll wander over to her toys and get her her blue monkey, not her fuzzy brown one. If I ask her to go pick up mommy's socks, she'll return with my socks, not with her socks, even though they were laying next to each other.
When I change her diaper these days not only does she want to help "wipe" but she also pops up when we're done and wants to throw the dirty diaper away.
The latest thing to completely amuse Andy & I is that she now is trying to sing.
I say trying, because it sounds like she has been blessed with her mother's musical prowess. Addie sits in her toy corner with her Elmo's Piano book and pushes a button for one of the programmed songs (Row Row Row Your Boat, Frere Jacques, etc) and then she warbles along to the music. The first time Andy heard her I thought he was going to fall of the couch.
Funny? Yes.
Pretty? Not really so much.

The point being, that while it appears that I will have navigate tantrums and her hitting her head on stationary objects when she's angry, I will also get to enjoy watching her figure out the world and, apparently, be reminded of the pure joy of singing just sing.

Paw Paw

As promised, proof that Grampa has a new name:

Maybe I spoke too soon

After my blogging earlier today, Addison decided to challenge me on my statement "By no means do I think that Addison is 100 percent immersed in the terrible twos". Holy bejeezus, did she lose it.
Gramma was fortunate enough to call in the middle of her major meltdown, and I am pretty sure is still slightly traumatized by the racket she heard occurring in the background.
By major meltdown, I mean an hour plus of writhing on the floor, stomping her feet, opening kitchen drawers and slamming them shut, hitting her mommy, spitting, kicking the cat, throwing her cup and giraffe and making pretty much the most god awful pitiful noises you've ever heard. I could not pick her up or hold her in my lap. If I offered her something in hopes of calming her it got thrown. If I spoke to her, she just turned up the volume.
Whoa boy.

She has pulled it (more or less) together, but I would say that we are in the middle of a very fragile balancing act. Dinner has been eaten. Kitty has been kissed. Mommy has been hugged...but giraffe is still laying ignored in the corner of kitchen.

Bath time is in 45 minutes. Bed time is in 75 minutes.
Wine time is in 76 minutes.

Makeover

So rumor has it that the terrible twos don't wait until two years old to start, but can start anytime after a kid's first birthday.
By no means do I think that Addison is 100 percent immersed in the terrible twos...but she may be dipping her toe in the pool. It used to be that when I would take something away from her that she shouldn't be playing with, say a pair of scissors or a cork screw, she would shrug and move on to another toy. These days she much prefers to throw herself down on the floor, crying and spitting, to kick her legs and flail her arms. It is quite the lovely sight. This happens most often in my bathroom.
Andy and I are relatively bad parents, and we have never gotten around to "baby proofing" the cabinets and drawers that hold such lovely thing as Benadryl, Sudafed, Advil, Tums, eyeliner, eyeshadow, Listerine, Q-tips...You know, all the good stuff. I try to shower while Addison is napping, but that is often a failure, as she tends to wake up right before I head up make myself smell pretty. I usually end up bringing her into the master suite with me, armed with toys and books and hoping (fruitlessly) that she might stay in our bedroom and entertain herself for the five minutes it takes me to scrub up.
Inevitably she pushes into the bathroom and bee lines to her favorite play zone ~ our cabinets. This always inspires me to scrub faster, but by the time I get a towel wrapped around me she has found a treasure chest of drawers.
Yesterday I found her with brown eyeliner across one cheek and concealer streaked across her forehead. Three days ago she had pink socks from opening up some eyeshadow, dropping it on the floor and then dancing in the crumbs. Today she found our stash of extra toothbrushes and was diligently attending to her oral hygiene. There is always an army of pill bottles lined up on the tub's edge, and I often find our brush in the closet.
Today after being repeatedly told no and redirected to the bedroom she melted down. She laid on our floor screaming and blubbering and pounding her fists...During this tantrum all I could think about was how nice the shade of green eyeshadow she had dusted across her face made her eyes look.
With that said...I think I am going to go try to baby proof the bathroom. It will save my sanity and her skin.

Mini Me?

Addison has been super mischievous lately. She knows exactly what she is not supposed to touch (i.e.: TV, Xbox, fireplace set, CD player, electrical sockets), looks me dead in the eye and slowly reaches out to the forbidden object.

• The Xbox is (as of today) hidden behind the TV to avoid the pure temptation of pushing the huge circular power button.
• The TV can't be hidden, but it is to the point that I am actually considering unplugging it.
• All the electrical sockets are safety guarded, but someone is smart enough to know how to get the safety plugs out.
• The fireplace set is out in the open, the only thing I can do is keep the sharper tools toward the back.

Today, however, when she unloaded the CD changer in the basement I may have lost my temper. I found my "big" voice and told her NO. I squatted down to her level, putting my hand on my hip for balance, and shook my pointer finger at her and said "NO Addison. You do not play with Daddy's CD player. NO."

She looked back at me with those gorgeous, big eyes. Put her hand on her hip. Smirked. And pointed her finger at me while giggling.

I think she got the message loud and clear. Mommy is someone to take seriously.

Lessons

Here are a few things I've learned over the past couple of days:

1. The Dark Knight was worth the hype. Great movie and some wonderful shots of the Windy City. I am thankful that Chicago is not quite as bad off as Gotham.
2. When your body says you are going to throw up it means it. Don't try to conquer the urge with mind over matter, it just makes the throwing up at 1:30 a.m. that much more awful.
3. If I am throwing up, there is a good chance that it is a bug or food poisoning. If it is a bug, there is a good chance Addison will throw up too.
4. As a mother, how sick you feel suddenly disappears once you realize your child is sick.
5. Vomit is not the kryptonite I always claimed it to be. Turns out that I can pick up a baby who is sobbing and spewing vomit, even if that means the vomit is going to be spewed all over me.
6. Washing vomit out of your hair is a chunky experience and not at all enjoyable.
7. When Addison doesn't feel good, snuggling with Mommy, Nemo and Lion makes almost everything better.
8. When grown-ups are sick we feel it for a lot longer than babies. When babies are sick they throw up and then go about their business of getting all their toys out and dressing up the cat.
9. It pays to have friends who are nurse practitioners and doctors.
10. One quarter of a hundred disc CD loader can be unloaded while Mommy's back is turned to switch the laundry.
11. It hurts babies a lot less and scares babies a lot less when they fall up the stairs rather than down the stairs.
12. I am thankful to not wear a diaper...those rashes look miserable.
13. The laundry and dishes don't care that you are sick, they still pile up.
14. My husband makes a great Acini de Peppi for me when I feel yucky.
15. They mean it when they call it a "24 hour bug"...bring it on world - I can face you now.

One more strike against the Grandmas

This was my father's first week of chemo therapy. He will be having chemo every week for the next 6 months. I know, WHAT?
It's a lot of chemo, but he opted to participate in a drug trial and therefore every other week will be getting a six hour drip of chemo, and on the opposite weeks he will be getting a two hour drip. His spirits seem good, although Wednesday he told me that the whole process was a pain in the balls. I told him that I'd rather have his balls be uncomfortable for awhile than he be dead. Appropriate? No.
True? Yes.

So, I checked back in with him today to see how he was doing...TIRED. I can't imagine the kind of tired he is feeling, and I've lived through the infancy of a child. The reason I am even sharing this with you is because when I got off the phone with him I said to Addison "That was Grampa and he is really tired".
I often tell Addie who I was on the phone with, and at times tell her what the conversation was about (basically, if I told you that I could keep your secret, I probably lied. I most likely divulged your confidence to my 18 month old.).
She looked at me with that all knowing look that she has and said "Paw Paw".

So I did my normal quiz of her:
What does a kitty cat say? Meow
What does a cow say? Moo
What does a lion say? Roar
And so on and so with all her animals, then I asked:
Can you say Mommy? Mama
Can you say Daddy? Dada
Can you say GG? Gee Gee
Can you say Grampa? Paw Paw

When we got home, before her nap, I showed her a picture that sits on her dresser of her baptism of the three of us with Dad and Kathy. I pointed to me, she said Mama. I pointed to Andy, she said Dada. I pointed to Dad, she said Paw Paw.

I showed her pictures of her Grandmothers...not a word.

So, Paw Paw, you might be darn tired...but someone is bound and determined to make you smile.

I remember thinking that one of the hardest things I would ever do was to move from Pittsfield to Chicago to start at Loyola. While it was hard, I quickly adjusted. It helped that I discovered the beauty of alcohol and was surrounded by quirky, kind, interesting people...most of whom are my friends still today.

It turns out that, yes, that was a very hard move. But moving to Cincinnati after 13 years surrounded by all those quirky, kind, interesting people I met back in 1995 (plus a few I picked up along the way) turned out to to be equally as terrifying and hard.

I left behind an incredible community of people who supported me, laughed with me (okay, maybe at me) and held my hand through a thousand things.

I know that it will take a long time to build that kind of camaraderie and community here, but Thursday mornings have provided me with a fabulous start.

Since early October I have been meeting Genna (and her daughter Elise) and Sharon (and her son Ian) for coffee either out and about in the 'Nati or at one of our houses. We chat about nothing in particular...Old embarrassing stories from high school, our significant others (and their obvious flaws), our amazing, intelligent and gorgeous children, restaurants to try in the city or recipes worth exchanging.

I have found that after our coffee klatches I am more relaxed, more productive, more patient. It's like sanity in a coffee cup...

While the mommies caffinate and chat, the amazing kids quietly watch a cartoon. Addison paid some attention to Elise and Ian, but she was mostly paid attention to Maggie the Cat.

He didn't even listen

I think, well I know, that I spend too much time on the phone.

Today while I was de-Christmasfying the house Addison was playing at her "kitchen". I looked over while winding up the mantle garland, and found her with her fake phone walking all through out the kitchen jabbering and making almost frantic hand gestures.
She was able to make hand gestures, because she had her little blue plastic phone snugly tucked between her ear and shoulder. When she was done with her conversation she looked at me warily and sighed quite loudly.

I'm thinking maybe she asked Daddy for a puppy and he said no...again.

Fact Checked

So....this is the picture I posted earlier thinking it was grumpy Andy. Come on, look at that scowl, you'd be confused too! The bright blond hair threw me off a bit, but all the Neyer babies were blondies.

It turns out, according to my fact checking team of Andy, Brian and Kim, that this scowling Neyer boy is indeed Uncle Brian. Whoops.

Andy said I should have known because of the gut. I told him I was going to write that...He didn't care. Doesn't he realize that he may be the older brother but Brian could probably kick his behind with one arm tied behind his back??

I wouldn't mess with anyone who had that scowl....or that gut.

Ni-Night Monkey

I have become a substandard blogger.


Suddenly, life is just busy. But I have realized that if I sat down to share every funny or ridiculous or adorable thing that Addison does, I probably would lose all circulation in my fingers from typing, and then our laundry would NEVER get done. That being said, in an attempt to be a better blogger, here's a quick one for you:


Addison woke up again at 6:30 this morning. I think this is becoming pretty standard and I have to learn to go to bed earlier. And when I say go to bed I mean actually to sleep ~ there is no need to stay awake watching three episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond or reading trashy books (don't even get me started on the book I just wasted my brain cells on, thank you very much Christie!).
Back to my point.

Addison is getting up earlier, so is getting tired a bit earlier for her nap than she used to. Today after watching too much Disney channel, kicking the cat off her lion rug (a story for another time), dumping out all her blocks, trying on my apron and eating her entire breakfast, Addie and I headed upstairs to play in her room and give Andy a bit of quiet to work in.

By play in her room I mean that she helped me stack her diapers and then she proceeded to take out all of her stuffed animals and hug them while I read the restaurant reviews in Cincinnati Magazine. I looked up from my reading to find her going around her room patting the painted monkeys and giraffes on her walls and waving bye-bye.

Saying goodnight to her wall animals is a bedtime ritual...so I followed her cue, scooped her up, threw her in her crib and said ni-night. Five minutes later there wasn't a noise from her room.



Now you tell me that that isn't freaking adorable.

32 & 18

GUESS WHO TURNED 32 TODAY?
No, sillies! Not me. I turned 18 months old...(my parents can't believe it either!).

But my Daddy-o has to blow out a lot of candles today. For his birthday Mom & I decided to share adorable old pictures of his grumpy face and his happy face.
GRUMPY?!

Uncle Brian, Daddy & Aunt Kimmie

HAPPY?!

I also arranged for freezing rain to cover Cincinnati so that he could work from home in his pjs. Finally, I asked Grandma and Aunt Nikki to babysit me so that Mommy & Daddy could go out for grown up dinner.

Aren't I the sweetest?

** Editor's Note: There was an awesome picture of a Neyer boy origninally posted in a bathing suit in North Carolina. Unfortunately, at this time our fact checking team can not confirm which grumpy Neyer boy that was a picture of. Damn similar looking Neyer boys.

Itchy Ouchy

This weekend was full of fun and laughter...and wine and martinis. Roberto & Keelin and Aaron & Hilary came to the 'Nati to help Andy celebrate turning 32. We laughed a lot, drank a bit too much and lounged around.

Addison, of course, loved having a new audience to entertain. Andy & I loved having other people around to dote on her...Unfortunately, after all the fun that was had this weekend Little Miss Thang had a super rough night last night.

She's gotten a couple of NASTY diaper rashes, one of which resulted in a trip to the doctor in the Fall. Well, she was blessed this weekend with a new, nastier rash. Last night she woke up at 10ish crying and was inconsolable. Andy & I ended up pulling her in bed with us, which just resulted in more crying and frustration. She also would sit in our our bed clawing at her bottom and lady parts, trying to rip her diaper off through her pjs. We finally got her back to sleep around 11:30...not that she stayed asleep. Crying jags happened at 1:00 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.

Yawn.

Needless to say, Addie and I skipped Strollerfit and headed to the doctor first thing this morning. A huge bottle of antibiotics and a tube of anti-itch cream later and she's been sleeping for 2 hours.

Too bad I have to wake her up so that I can pick up Aunt Nanny, I mean Nikki, from school...